February 13th, 2011
|yummuse||03:34 pm - Insensitive Fanboys|
I really hate the type of fanboys who has never seen a girl in his fandom since their own mother (or sister, if they have siblings). I've seen these fanboys in fandoms such as Transformers and Dragon Ball Z which sucks since I am a fan of both.
This person asked another girl one time if she liked DBZ and answered "no". When I started talking about being a big time fan of the series, he immediately started talking to me. Once we got to know each other, I begin to realize that the only reason why he bothered talking to me to begin with is because I was a girl who was into the same Anime as he was. But that is not what bothers me. What bothered me is that he has sexual fantasies and fetish ideas for his favorite female characters. Especially for the ones he hates. And he talks to me about them as though I cared.
What makes me upset is that he doesn't seem to realize that I am a girl. I don't look at the characters like that. I keep telling him this. I even confronted him about it and started making up excuses. Once it began to sink in, he starts making complaints about it. Sometime he'll even whine or act like a wallflower. It makes me even more angry. He probably thinks I am a big meanie for telling him off.
Did I mention that he sometimes makes sexist remarks? I'm not so sure if unintentional or not, but sometimes he sterotypes which makes me uncomfortable.
Jesus, I wish some fanboys will grow the fuck up.
Fans like this are an embarrassment to us all.
I fully sympathize and may I commend you on bothering to TRY to give this guy REPEATED chances to be your friend and/or grow up.
I'm very sorry to say though, that it can be just as bad from females except they CRY or RANT when confronted. Still, that does not excuse this guy and it's true that this sort of behavior is alienating toward women. It is also, of course, not your fault.
Ultimately, whoever was harassing me, honestly, OVER YEARS, over DECADES, not only didn't learn a damn thing, but GOT WORSE -- far worse. Time is not the friend of the lonely and dully perverse (particularly if they aren't wealthy or gorgeous). So, I'd say distance is sadly the only cure and sincerely hope you find another DBZ fan who isn't such a putz to interact with.
Don't suppose you might be able to convert a female friend into comics? Female fans are so common these days due to the amount of comics in the mainstream media. If all else fails, at least there is the 'Net. And who knows, you may find a person in your area too.
This is a tiny, tiny person desperate to make themselves feel cooler. A person clearly lacking in social skills (in anime? *gasp*). I know any woman would LOVE to "hook up" with a guy who not only fantasizes about cartoons, but also degrades their entire gender in the process -- right? Gee, why doesn't he add racism to his agenda?
|Date:||February 14th, 2011 08:02 am (UTC)|| |
Re: Fans like this are an embarrassment to us all.
Thank you. I did my best to be patient. There are moments where he seems like a good friend, but there are moments where I question the nature of our friendship because of his childishness. He had problems making friends before and I can understand why, he definitely lacks social skills and graces.
I feel sorry for him, really. The guy clearly is desperate for acceptance and cares about what other people think. He thought I hated him after I told him how I felt about fanboys. It is not him that I hated, but his immature behavior. I tried explaining this to him. He is still whining about it after all this time. *smacks forehead*
I have a DBZ buddy who is a female and is more mature and reasonable then this guy. She actually supplies more information in her debates rather then shove canon facts.
I feel you, I really do. I was SUPER nice, and a fan way in the early 90s, where every fan you met couldn't be taken for granted; the Internet had not become dominant in culture and it would even be a while until I had a computer of my own.
Comics and anime were my first ways of being able to socialize in a natural and big way. Having been treated as a misfit at school I was hypersensitive about NOT judging people harshly. At this point, I feel that I made far too many exceptions for people and got fairly badly stepped on. With enough years going by, it's extra embarrassing that harassment has extended into people who are married or have offspring -- an offense far worse, than previous stupidity that might be swept away.
I see that same good heart in you, and will not insist on you giving up, that's your own choice and path to follow, but I will leave a note to know that I've been there and done that -- it's not your job to be anyone's emotional anchor -- let alone someone not giving you the same respect; I give you permission to be a "jerk" (you won't be, but I know it can feel that way). Stand up for yourself, walk away if need be, even if it hurts someone else's feelings; you're not the one who was thoughtless. You'd even have had a right to distance yourself without explanation, it took a bigger person to do otherwise.
I'd say that one of the creepiest experiences I've had is being treated like crap by people who claimed to desperately like me. It's not cool and it became a pattern in my life; a pattern all the more common in anime. I would've liked someone to tell me to nip it in the bud or recognize that I was doing it -- I honestly couldn't see how I kept ending up a victim after having been nothing but kind and asking for nothing but friendship. A little judgement, like caution, is not a bad thing to have (that was my lesson).
Anyway I'm glad you're a beacon of maturity in fandom and a healthy voice for female fans. I wonder what his own MOTHER would make of his foolish comments. I'd say that you'd even have to tell him that he's making you uncomfortanble with the whining (like grow a pair, dude) -- especially because you've made it clear it was his BEHAVIOR and you told him in order to be HONEST and give him another chance of being a real friend (one that doesn't deliberately alienate or harass); if he looses your friendship at this point, it'll be his own fault, and may be a lesson that he very well needs. If we're all lucky, usually they NEVER learn -- I mean NEVER. My complaints about harassment would often mirror many others who encountered problems from the same people -- although you feel VERY alone when it happens (they're good at that for some reason), often it's a REPEATED problem in their life and MANY have told them off. idgi. So....again, I've learned to expand my horizons and find people who are better friends to begin with, like that other female friend that you've found. Excellent.
I truly wish I could give better or more positiv adivce, but instead in DECADES this is the only data I've been able to collect. I never even had a truly offensive person apologize to me. Nope, they try to blame you, or like this guy, make an even BIGGER deal out of it after you complained (which usually took guts in the first place).
|Date:||February 15th, 2011 12:12 am (UTC)|| |
I try to be. With so much studpity and immaturity, someone has to take the role of being mature and responsible. This is the reason why I left fandom and prefer to stick to what I enjoy, writing without having to worry about getting into debates with other fans and have them yelling their heads off for daring to speak up.
I really hope that he does grow up. If he doesn't, then I'll consider him to be a lost cause who will never redeem himself or learn anything.
I've been under the suspicion that he might have Aspergers Syndrome which explains his insensitivity and immature behavior. If that is so, then maybe he should seek someone to help him out, socially. It makes me wonder how he manages to hold up a job with the way he acts and all. I believe he once told me this himself. If that is so, then I'm sorry to say this, but I won't accept disabiilities as an excuse. It maybe the cause, but his actions were completely his own. It makes me sick that people use this as an excuse to escape responsibility. It makes them look irresponsible.
Yes, he does need to learn a harsh lesson. He shouldn't make excuses or act immature whenever a person corners him. If he has done something wrong, he should face his problem like a man instead of whining like a little girl. If he continues making up excuses to escape from a crime, what will happen if he is confronted with an even bigger problem in real life? Excuses won't save him then.
Thank you very much for listening to my rant. It really appreciates that someone out there is willing to give me advice when I needed it. I've asked a bunch of other people and they agree that this person is immature and irrational. He should be taught a lesson.
I just hope he grows up. If he doesn't, well, like I said, he's a lost cause.
Absolutely. So often you try to reach out or communicate and it goes ignored or runs amuck -- glad for mutual reassurance.
To tell you the truth, there was a kid with diagnosed Aspergers at college and he did use it to be rude as well as harass women. When it was brought up to staff, they said he didn't know what he was doing. That wasn't true. He zeroed in on and bothered females specifically, eventually some much older (and desperate) woman started to date him and all he could do was go in African-American slang (he being a skinny, white guy) about supposed intercourse he was having with her. I was like, "uh-huh. suuure, he didn't know what he was doing." HOWEVER, when the formal complaints to staff had been made, he did back off of the harassment of students. Again, sure he didn't know what he was doing. Pfft. And once he started seeing this woman, seemed content to brag (though no one else in that position probably would have) and basically stop stalking females. hooray.
ALL of this being bullshit -- the whole situation with this kid -- that has nothing to do with getting a damn (and expensive) education. Big distraction/annoyance. We all have enough to worry about without someone putting on a gross show.
So. You have a point, definitely, whether his condition is true or not. He can stop the behavior and be held responsible for it.
It's really confusing when someone on one hand is telling you they like you and on the other hand is making you extremely uncomfortable -- it's double hard when you're a nice person at your core; it doesn't help if one is already insecure. Unfortunately, I find that certain users seek out just such a combination, they can sense it, and manipulate kindness into weakness/victimization. They beg for pity on one hand, then slap you with the other. I'm glad you've had people to talk to who were sane and not overly concerned with equally being "nice" or had some sort of politics to keep them from speaking the truth (like the college or a pack of clique-ish friends).
|Date:||February 16th, 2011 07:05 pm (UTC)|| |
I know, huh? It kinda makes you feel guilty. Like you don't want to be responsible for making this person feeling even more insecure then they already are. But he's got to learn that he can't always escape his problems by making up excuses. One of these days, he'll get himself into huge trouble and he is going to be singled out by someone with a very keen eye. Excuses is not going to help him get out of it. There are moments where I feel that he will never admit his mistakes or that his behavior is uncalled for.
I'm not the only one who had problems with him. He'll start causing problems each time he is on a forum. There are moments where he is rude and disrespectful towards other fans especially when they use the characters in a different way. Shipping, for instance. He'll start complaining or attack their opinions. He tries to turn something so insignificant and turn it into a huge argument. He doesn't realize or understand that he is the one causing all of the uproar nor does he want to admit that he is being an immature fanboy. What is funny is that he says he doesn't want to pick fights, but he does. *smacks forehead*
He doesn't understand that the whole point of fandom is having a different opinion or idea. Not everyone has to like the same thing yet he criticizes the fans for not sticking to canon facts and for not liking certain characters.
I'd say confront him further. Also tell him he's acting like a douchebag.